Sunday, March 10, 2013

Men and Grief

Book about Men and Grief
I am honored to be mentioned in Tom Golden's new book  The Way Men Heal on Kindle and am blessed that I knew about his work before my Fathers passing so I did what I needed to do to honor the loss of my Father last year. This book is not a one trick to solve all grief but it is a way to let women understand the boys and men in their lives that are facing loss. It is also a way for men to understand how to deal with loss in a way that honors their souls.

Who should read it? Every man and woman and most important every therapist that deals clients that have had loss. If you get value from the book, that is less than $10.00 on Amazon, then do the right thing and write a review for Tom on Amazon, I did. This video gives you a window into what Tom had provided in the book and take a moment to see it:

Here is the link to the book The Way Men Heal on Kindle:

And the link to the Facebook page that I created in honor of the passing of my Father referenced in the book. Consider Liking that page and saying hello:

- Martin Brossman

Friday, February 03, 2012

Dealing with Aging Parents - The relationship is worth more than making sense

Martin Brossman II and Julia McLean Brossman my parents.
Last weekend when I was home to visit my Father and Mother who have 24hr in-home care I was reminded of what my good friend T. Ho Haryadi said about relating being more important than making sense when dealing with people that have a decline in mental abilities.

I used to try to point out to my parents what was "right" as their mind started slipping and often lead to them just feeling criticized or my father getting emotionally upset. My father has become more emotionally vulnerable and my mother more feisty with aging.

I was sitting next to my Dad watching an action movie (he still likes them) and from his recliner chair he looked at me and asked how his parents were doing. I just answered "fine" (they died years ago). Then he asked if they were still in Allentown PA and I said they moved to Womelsdorf PA and were doing well (where they were buried but that was not said as well). He smiled and looked back at the TV.

After the show he was ready to go to sleep and I talked to the caregiver a bit then went upstairs myself.  At the top of the steps my Mom scared me half to death. She was hiding behind the banister at the top of the steps and said, "Ssh, they don't know I am still up". I just replied, in a soft voice, "I understand, I will help you back". I took her arm under mine and lead her back to her bed where she went to sleep. I think she thought she was 12 years old listening in on her parents conversation.  My friend John Z. pointed out how he had a similar situation with his grandmother and how he realized that in that moment the 90+ year old women got to be  young again.

What a gift that I discovered that relating is more important than making sense, so I could be with them in their aging process. I need to tell you I still have a lot of stress with the responsibility of taking care of them but these are precious moments that should not be missed.

Special thanks to my good friend Thomas Golden for encouraging me to write this both for others and so I remember it. He is the author of the must read book on men and grief: "Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing"

- Martin Brossman
Author of the book - Finding Our Fire: Enhancing men's connection to heart, passion and strength.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Official Google Blog: Ten years later

Official Google Blog: Ten years later
Want to share a story written by a friend that was in New York City about the Firemen of NY on 9/11:

I honor all that sacrificed since 9/11.
Martin Brossman

Saturday, June 18, 2011

In Honor of Fathers Day, A Poem: Remembering Dad

Remembering Dad

I heard my Father speak through me today
It's a good thing
A business conversation with me appreciating them at the end
He was always the cheerleader of his officemates 
Will call him and tell him when he gets back from dialysis today
May not understand it, so little of him left
Dad, you are welcome to live on through me

My Father is still with me and is moving a bit slower due to so many challenges he has overcome. He goes to dialysis three times a week and is tough on him. I have been blessed to move from the Son to the person overseeing their well being. I never had my own children but not under what it means to be a parent more then ever.  It has given me flashes of memories and insights. This poem is one of those insights. I want to honor the important an vital energy of Fatherhood in the world. I am also blessed to have good people helping both parents.

If you want to see my first book:

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Men and Grief

We often criticize men for not grieving in an open way, but that is not how most men grieve.

Men typically grieve by doing, vs. the open showing of tears, and this should be valued just as we need to have room for people grieving their loss through tears. Men in history have done many great things out of great loss as have women, but I hear more complaints about men not showing feeling at a loss than women. What is missed is the beauty of men creating something out of grief with great action.

I propose that the geodesic dome by Buckminster Fuller many never have existed if he had not lost his daughter. “Fuller's young daughter Alexandra died from complications from polio and spinal meningitis. Allegedly, he felt responsible and this caused him to drink frequently and to contemplate suicide for a while. He finally chose to embark on "an experiment, to find what a single individual [could] contribute to changing the world and benefiting all humanity."” (Wikipedia)

In 1927 Fuller resolved to think independently which included a commitment to "the search for the principles governing the universe and help advance the evolution of humanity in accordance with them... finding ways of doing more with less to the end that all people everywhere can have more and more."

After this time came Buckminster Fuller’s invention of the geodesic dome, “the lightest, strongest, and most cost-effective structure ever devised”.

To paraphrase my good friend Tom Golden who wrote the leading book on men and grief, Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing:  Don’t ask a man who has had a loss how do you feel; ask him what do you need to do to deal with this loss?

By Martin Brossman Author of: Finding Our Fire - Enhancing men's connection to heart, passion and strength.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Martin Brossman featured in a Cary New's article

Martin Brossman featured in a Cary New's article

One of the questions asked:

"What can I do for my son, who doesn't have a father?

The answers varied, but one key point was clear: Women have a lot of power over their men. Brossman said men have a basic need to be honored. Women have a need to be cherished. It made me think of my husband surprising me with a laptop and a desk when I wanted to revive my writing career. I told him he was my hero, and I felt like a brainy princess. It worked out for both of us.

Brossman was bold in his statements about what he calls "icky, passive males." He gave an example of when a friend broke an important promise. He said he left a message on his answering machine that masked how he really felt which was angry and hurt."

Read the entire article at:

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Men in the Workplace… What are they really thinking?

More about KNOW:

Men in the Workplace… What are they really thinking? At the Morrisville Chamber of Commerce by the group KNOW - Knowledgeable Network of Women

July 15, 2009 | Read all about the event at:

Panelist Bios

Martin Brossman
is a certified business coach, specializing in career direction, communication, conflict resolution and relationships. He has more than 20 years of professional experience, including seven years with IBM and 13 years developing and operating small businesses.
Martin has a passion for enhancing relationships. Founder of the Men's & Women's book, “Finding Our Fire—Enhancing Men’s Connection to Heart, Passion and Strength,” Inquiry discussion groups in Raleigh, he applied years of compelling insights to create his which is now in international distribution on He has been interviewed on national talk shows, published in local and national magazines, and assisted with relationship courses at Esalen Institute in CA. He has served as vice president of the Triangle Men’s Center. His personal training in 'Men's Work' includes The Sterling Men's Weekend and the ManKind Adventure-New Warrior Training. As a business and personal success coach, he has helped men and women enhance their prosperity and their relationships for over 14 years. In 2000, he was honored with the NC Governor’s Volunteer of the Year Award for his contribution to Carolina Health & Humor Association. In 2007, Martin received the Ron Hering Mission of Service award for living his mission in the world.

Nicoa Dunne
brings 16 years of experience in strategic human resources (HR) and global corporate communications. As a strategic business partner and coach, her collaborative approach to innovative problem solving is refreshing and motivating. A graduate of NC State University, Ball State University and Charles Sturt University
(Australia), her background includes 8+ years with General Electric, where she graduated from the GE Human Resources Leadership Program (HRLP). Her 4+ years with Thermo Fisher Scientific spanned 20 countries and included over 10,000 employees in her client group created through the two large acquisitions. Most recently, as the SVP of HR for Allscripts Healthcare Solutions, provided key leadership in the transformation of Misys Healthcare, positioning the company and culture for growth and the ultimate merger with Allscripts -- creating the NEW Allscripts (MDRX). Nicoa has proven success with effective coaching techniques resulting in attraction, growth and retention of key talent, immediate results applying process improvement techniques to the growth of her HR teams and unprecedented execution examples during her involvement with multiple mergers and acquisitions. Her strong work ethic and intensity has resulted in long term strategy traction by defining cultures, enhancing employee engagement and upgrading human resource functions providing a solid foundation for holland archer. She has aligned her experience, lessons learned and sound, plain talk philosophy with an infectious energetic personality to the professional speaking circuit as well. A member of the National Speaker’s Association, she has the ability to provide both antics and advice to those willing to listen as one of her passions. This offering has become a key element of how holland archer motivates teams and individuals to take ownership of their actions in order to create legacies for which they can be proud! Nicoa lives with her husband Mert, a stay at home dad, and their three daughters Justice, Pippa and Campbell in Raleigh and Wilmington.

Henry Hinton
has a 36-year career in broadcasting that began in the campus radio station and spans radio and television in Norfolk, Raleigh, Chapel Hill and Greenville, NC. He founded New East Communications in 1989, which has been the parent company of three radio stations and other related companies in eastern NC. He currently serves as president of Inner Banks Media with four radio station properties in eastern NC. Henry hosts the daily radio and television show ‘Talk of the Town’ on WTIB 94.3 FM in Greenville and Cable 7 and is a frequent host and panelist for statewide political talk show ‘NC Spin’ which airs on 13 TV and 20 radio stations across the state.
He is the former president of the North Carolina Association of Broadcasters and former chairman of the Greenville-Pitt County Chamber of Commerce. Henry was formerly on the Board of the North Carolina Center for Public Policy Research and is currently on the ECU School of Fine Arts, Music and Communications Advancement and Advisory Council. Henry has been honored with several awards including the Distinguished Service Award by the ECU Alumni Association in 2000, the Earl Gluck Distinguished Service Award by state broadcasters in 2001 and was named Greenville’s Business Leader of the Year by the Chamber in 2002. Henry is a proud alumni of ECU and lives in Greenville with his wife Debbie. They have a 30-year-old son Hank and a 27-year-old daughter Courtney.

Gerald Mosely, PhD has over 23 years experience in the global pharmaceutical industry holding various sales, marketing and senior leadership roles. Most recently has the General Manager, Anesthesia & Critical Care, at Baxter Healthcare with a focus on medication delivery. Prior to Baxter, Gerald spent several years at GlaxoSmithKline and quickly progressed from sales representative to sales management to various senior level executive roles. He has both domestic and international experience in sales, marketing and commercial operations; leading teams in Asia, Europe and the US. Gerald has developed multuple programs for career development and has been a champion for multicultural and women’s leadership initiatives throughout his career. Gerald is known for his commitment to mentorship as evidenced by his ability to help others discover their passions and his willingness to help them think ‘outside the box’ to discover flexible paths for career advancement. Gerald holds a B.S. in Biology from Loma Linda University and a Ph.D. in Pathology from the University of Washington. He resides in California with his wife and daughters.

Read all about the event at:
More about KNOW:

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Comments from: Just-For-Women Fundraiser for "A Place for Women to Gather"

“ Martin Brossman is passionate about his mission of educating women and men about Men's Work and reclaiming men in our society. Thank you again, Martin, for sharing your work and experience with us and I was so glad to see so many people support Martin last night. We raised $250 for A Place for Women to Gather and that means so much to me! ”
- Alice Osborn

" Martin shared such valuable information; I am so glad I attended this talk! ”
- Christina Thompson

“ A wonderful presentation ... just too short ! There is so much more to learn !! ”
- Leslie

“ Martin share some great information with us and explained the underlying "why" about how men react to certain situations. ”
- Theresa

“ Martin's insight into what and how men are wired, comes from the invaluable work that he has been doing in this arena for years. We as womem would be wise to hear what he has to say, that way we can become more aware of how to make relationships more successful. Also we can comfortably take the female strengths and become valuable guides to the men in our lives. What a gift Martin is to the world. ”
- Annette

“ Martin's insight into what and how men are wired, comes from the invaluable work that he has been doing in this arena for years. We as womem would be wise to hear what he has to say, that way we can become more aware of how to make relationships more successful. Also we can comfortably take the female strengths and become valuable guides to the men in our lives. What a gift Martin is to the world. ”
- Lois

“ Martin got me to think about my role as partner, parent and friend of boys and men. It also helps me think about my own balance of masculine and feminine and how they contribute to my effectiveness as a healthy contributing member of the community. ”
- Suzanne

The origional post about the event:

CARY, N.C.—On Monday evening, May 4, success coach Martin Brossman will be presenting “What’s New About Men That Women Want to Know,” a dynamic event exclusively for women, co-coordinated by writer/educator Alice Osborn ( and Martin Brossman ( Register here: or email: to reserve your place

Proceeds from this thought-provoking talk will go to A Place for Women to Gather, a not-for-profit ministry sponsored by the Sisters of the Holy Cross ( Offering a variety of spiritual and creative programs and services at their North Raleigh location, A Place for Women to Gather is devoted to the mission of empowering women and helping them find their authentic selves.

The venue for this fundraiser is the BNC, 649 Walnut Street, Cary, from 7:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Light hors d’ oeuvres will be served and a cash bar available. Guests may pre-register to receive a discounted admission rate of $15.00, or opt for $20.00 admission at the door. Registration is available online at or by calling Martin Brossman at 919-847-4757.The evening’s original topic is relevant for both single and married women of all ages, and is especially relevant for single mothers raising sons. Brossman addresses the three types of men and how they affect our culture; the stages of boys’ maturity to men and how this process affects all relationships; and how this knowledge about men and the boys they once were can make women more effective in both their business and personal life.

Since 1997, Brossman has led the online Men’s Inquiry Group and, in 2003, created the women’s version of this work, the Women’s Inquiry Group. In 2006, he published his first book on men’s topics: Finding Our Fire—Enhancing Men’s Connection to Heart, Passion and Strength, available on Amazon and in international distribution. Brossman has also produced a live recording of the Men’s Inquiry; What Does It Mean to be a Man of Your Word?; as well as a recording of his talk, Model of The Maturing Man. He has mentored men around the world in starting their own men’s groups, and received the Ron Hering Mission of Service award in 2007 for “living his mission in the world.” He is currently working on his next book, Taboo, the Unspoken Code of Men.

For additional related information:Martin Brossman’s Book & Audio: http://www.findingourfire.comthe/ Men’s Inquiry website: The Women’s Inquiry website: 919-845-4385

Friday, June 05, 2009

Martin Brossman's All About Men Seminar by Jessica Sabatini

A blog posting by Jessica Sabatini in about Martin's Men's Talk for Women, inspired after the talk.

What an enlightening experience! Last night, May 4th, I attended Martin Brossman's seminar about men (he's coming up with a new title) at the BNC center. About 13 years ago, Martin attended a men's weekend in LA that truly changed his life. I know he's telling the truth, because about 10 years ago, my husband attended the same men's weekend in NY, which played a big part in bringing out this masculine, emotionally expressed, man of integrity that I married.

At the end of the weekend both men attended, they were advised to find a group of mature men to support these insights and keep them true to their mission. So, not having a group near by, Martin began his own men's group called the Triangle Men's Inquiry that has been meeting monthly for the past 12 years. This seminar was a culmination of all that Martin learned about the struggles of creating healthy, mature males from these meetings.

Martin made an important correlation between the lack of sufficient forces to develop these healthy men and the rising prison population, more than 50% divorce rate, and the non-ethical business and financial practices causing havoc in our world today. I agree, since the feminist revolution, men have been confused about their identity, and society has been confused as to what we really want from our men. Martin offers answers and powerful solutions that will help this gender find it's balance and place once again as centered, strong, fully expressed, contributing men.

Some of the gems I picked up were:
1. That I don't have to fix or be everything for my husband/son. His happiness is not my responsibility. I can be a wife/mother and support him in many ways, but he needs other men to challenge him, give him attention and space to sort through his feelings, and validate him when he takes action along his life purpose.

2. When my husband (or father, brother, son) actually expresses his feeling to me, DON'T DIG DEEPER! Recognize that he processes emotions differently and most likey slower than I, so be happy that he is expressing something. If I push it, he may keep his feelings in the next time.

3. Men have the ability to do before they have the ability to feel. So when I notice my husband with an emotional struggle, I can ask "What do you need to do to make you feel better/complete/relieved/satisfied?" And he may just have to mow the lawn in order to work out his angst about his boss, and that's his process.

4. Give room for my husband to be a father in his own way. There is no need for me to micromanage his relationship with his off spring. Afterall, they're his kids too, he has a right to discover th man he wants to be for them and with them. I can even help him out by handing him the baby and walking out the door for at least four hours.

I higly recommend you spreading the word about Martin's mission and learn ways to support the men in your life as they strive to reach their full potential.

Jessica Sabatini

Comments from Christina Thompson that Came to Martin's Talk About Men

[Christian is a trombones and music instructor who is responding to Martin Brossman's talk about Men for a group of women.]

I truly enjoyed Martin's talk, and came away nothing short of enlightened! I realized I'd been making some assumptions about men and boys, and those assumptions were nearly opposite of the truth. A couple of things that struck me last night were:

1. Many self-help books are geared toward the way women operate. Martin shared how for men, "getting in touch with one's feelings" in the same way that women do can be harmful, even lethal! I had never realized this before.

2. Men have their own signature way of processing emotions, that's more about doing than sitting and talking. I now understand why my husband Andrew goes out and mows the lawn when he's stressed. Whereas I would call somebody and vent and feel better, he feels better by -doing- something instead.

3. Boys' need of mentors and rites of passage to grow into mature men. This is really going to affect the way I work with students. I already make a point to talk to students about how with every practice session, they become more closely knit into the worldwide fellowship of musicians. But I wonder if I could make this even more concrete, would it help young boys even more? Is this why school bands and choirs, when run well, save young men from gangs and street life?

4. I have had many experiences of being marginalized as a woman, but men have these experiences too. Hearing Martin talk challenged my misguided notion that men live on "easy street" while we women have to fight for our rightful place in the world. Men have their own challenges--and knowing this, I can now be more sensitive and understanding.

I agree with Martin's comment about "movements". I bet, one person at a time, that Martin's message will grow and spread. I think I'll use the information I learned last night to be more at peace with men in my own life--to see where they're coming from, to let their workbenches be messy, and to let them be where they're at.

Thanks, Martin Brossman