Link the full recording: https://youtu.be/oKyAl_nSH-k
0:00 – Introduction by Martin Brossman
Martin Brossman: Hello, my name is Martin Brossman. I am the founder of the Men’s Inquiry, and I want to welcome you to this live recording made on April 27, 2006, in my home, which is our usual meeting place.
In producing the book Finding Our Fire, over a hundred men answered questions that have come from the past ten years of the Men’s Inquiry—a monthly discussion group where men talk openly about their lives in a confidential environment.
I felt that a live recording of one of our actual meetings would expand the experience of the book, as well as be of value in its own right. So, I asked the men to come to this event as a special gift for my birthday.
This recording is designed for several purposes:
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To give insight into the world of men—something rarely seen in our everyday lives.
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To serve as a resource for anyone wanting to start or enhance their own men’s group.
1:35 – Origins and Vision of the Men’s Inquiry
Martin: The Men’s Inquiry is a space where men can explore meaningful questions about their lives without fear of being judged, fixed, or talked over. It’s not therapy—it’s conversation with purpose.
We’ve been meeting monthly for years, asking questions that invite honesty and self-reflection. What you’ll hear tonight is unscripted, unfiltered. Every man here knows that what’s shared in the room stays in the room.
2:46 – Ground Rules for the Meeting
Martin: Before we start, I want to remind everyone of the ground rules:
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Speak from your own experience—use “I” statements.
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Confidentiality is sacred—nothing leaves this circle.
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No fixing, rescuing, or interrupting—each man owns his story.
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Start and end on time—respect the container.
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Depth over comfort—we’re here to grow, not just feel good.
4:07 – Evening’s Questions: Responsibility, Integrity, and Keeping One’s Word
Martin: Tonight’s inquiry is around responsibility. What does it mean to you? How do you handle it when you fall short? And what’s the connection between responsibility, integrity, and keeping your word?
5:06 – Taking Responsibility at Work (Example Stories)
John: At my job last week, something went wrong that wasn’t technically my fault. But I stepped up, owned it, and made it right. I noticed my boss respected me more after that.
David: I’ve had the opposite. I took responsibility, but my manager used it to put the blame entirely on me, even though the mistake was shared. It made me think about when it’s wise to own something and when to push back.
8:27 – Accountability, Word, and Manhood
Robert: For me, a man’s word is his bond. If I say I’ll do something, I do it. And if I can’t, I speak up early. That’s integrity.
Mark: Yeah, but sometimes we commit to too much. Then we either break our word or burn ourselves out trying to keep it. That’s where discernment comes in.
10:29 – Redefining Responsibility as the Ability to Respond
Martin: One way I like to look at it is “responsibility” as the ability to respond. It’s not just about guilt or blame—it’s about choosing to act with awareness.
13:25 – Frustration, Recognition, and Workplace Contracts
James: I get frustrated when people take credit for my work. Recognition matters—it’s not about ego, it’s about being seen for what you contribute.
David: I’ve learned to be clear about expectations up front. If we have a verbal or written contract, I make sure everyone understands it.
16:30 – Family Responsibility and Single Fatherhood
Paul: Being a single dad has taught me a lot about responsibility. There’s no one else to fall back on—you show up, no matter what.
19:03 – Responsibility as Doing What You Say
Martin: For me, responsibility boils down to this: do what you say you’ll do, and clean it up if you can’t.
21:27 – Men and the Desire for Recognition
Robert: Men sometimes act like recognition doesn’t matter, but it does. It fuels us.
Mark: It’s not about flattery—it’s about feeling that what we do has value.
23:49 – Acknowledging and Accepting Recognition
Martin: And when someone offers recognition, receive it. Don’t dismiss it. Just say, “Thank you.”
26:52 – Contracts in Relationships and Victim Mindset
David: In relationships, unspoken contracts cause trouble. If you expect something, speak it. Otherwise you slip into a victim mindset.
29:28 – Love, Self-Responsibility, and Relationships
James: Love isn’t an excuse to stop being responsible for yourself.
30:56 – Self-Awareness and Knowing Limitations
Robert: Part of responsibility is knowing your limits and setting boundaries before you reach them.
32:55 – Volunteering, Accountability, and Commitment
Mark: When you volunteer, you’re giving your word. Follow through or step down—don’t ghost.
33:55 – Integrity vs. Commitment in Relationships
David: Sometimes integrity means ending a commitment when it no longer serves either person—honestly, and with respect.
35:44 – Is Responsibility a Man’s Issue or a Human Issue?
Paul: I don’t think responsibility is just a man’s issue—it’s a human one. But maybe men feel a different pressure around it.
36:11 – Caretaking, Balance, and Self-Needs
Mark: Caretaking others is good, but not at the cost of abandoning your own needs.
37:11 – Different Perspectives on Responsibility
James: Some see responsibility as a burden, others as an honor.
38:46 – Holding Expectations Lightly and Giving Room
Robert: I try to hold expectations lightly. People mess up—it’s human. Give them space to make it right.
40:42 – Avoiding Confrontation While Staying Accountable
Paul: I’ve struggled with avoiding confrontation, but sometimes responsibility means having the hard conversation.
41:45 – Martin’s Commitment to Keep Men’s Inquiry Alive
Martin: I’m committed to keeping this group alive because it matters. Men need spaces like this.
42:42 – Responsibility as a Human Trait
David: Bottom line—responsibility is part of being human.
44:00 – The Struggle to Consistently Live Responsibly
James: I know what responsibility looks like, but I don’t always live it. That’s the work—closing that gap.
46:21 – Decisions, Integrity, and Life Direction
Robert: Every decision tests our integrity.
48:06 – What to Do When Someone Breaks Their Word
Paul: When someone breaks their word, I ask why. Sometimes it’s a lesson in communication, not just trust.
50:16 – Cultural Perspectives on Marriage and Commitment
David: In some cultures, marriage is less about romance and more about a shared responsibility for life.
53:01 – Clarification Before Conflict
Mark: I’ve learned to clarify before I get upset. Saves a lot of grief.
55:12 – Tone, Non-Verbal Cues, and Communication Responsibility
James: Responsibility in communication isn’t just words—it’s tone, body language, timing.
56:42 – Two-Way Communication and Self-Improvement
Martin: Communication is two-way. If I’m misunderstood, I look at how I could say it better next time.
56:48 – Closing Round: Insights and Commitments from Participants
John: I’m taking away that responsibility is proactive—it’s not just about fixing mistakes.
Robert: For me, it’s about making fewer empty promises.
Paul: I want to work on speaking my commitments out loud, so I’m accountable.
1:14:09 – Final Thanks and Invitation to Connect
Martin: Thank you all for being here and for your honesty. This is what keeps the Men’s Inquiry alive. If anyone listening wants to start their own group, I hope this inspires you.
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