Saturday, June 18, 2011

In Honor of Fathers Day, A Poem: Remembering Dad

Remembering Dad

I heard my Father speak through me today
It's a good thing
A business conversation with me appreciating them at the end
He was always the cheerleader of his officemates 
Will call him and tell him when he gets back from dialysis today
May not understand it, so little of him left
Dad, you are welcome to live on through me

My Father is still with me and is moving a bit slower due to so many challenges he has overcome. He goes to dialysis three times a week and is tough on him. I have been blessed to move from the Son to the person overseeing their well being. I never had my own children but not under what it means to be a parent more then ever.  It has given me flashes of memories and insights. This poem is one of those insights. I want to honor the important an vital energy of Fatherhood in the world. I am also blessed to have good people helping both parents.

If you want to see my first book:

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Men and Grief

We often criticize men for not grieving in an open way, but that is not how most men grieve.

Men typically grieve by doing, vs. the open showing of tears, and this should be valued just as we need to have room for people grieving their loss through tears. Men in history have done many great things out of great loss as have women, but I hear more complaints about men not showing feeling at a loss than women. What is missed is the beauty of men creating something out of grief with great action.

I propose that the geodesic dome by Buckminster Fuller many never have existed if he had not lost his daughter. “Fuller's young daughter Alexandra died from complications from polio and spinal meningitis. Allegedly, he felt responsible and this caused him to drink frequently and to contemplate suicide for a while. He finally chose to embark on "an experiment, to find what a single individual [could] contribute to changing the world and benefiting all humanity."” (Wikipedia)

In 1927 Fuller resolved to think independently which included a commitment to "the search for the principles governing the universe and help advance the evolution of humanity in accordance with them... finding ways of doing more with less to the end that all people everywhere can have more and more."

After this time came Buckminster Fuller’s invention of the geodesic dome, “the lightest, strongest, and most cost-effective structure ever devised”.

To paraphrase my good friend Tom Golden who wrote the leading book on men and grief, Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing:  Don’t ask a man who has had a loss how do you feel; ask him what do you need to do to deal with this loss?

By Martin Brossman Author of: Finding Our Fire - Enhancing men's connection to heart, passion and strength.